Full Title: The Servant. A Simple Story About the True Essence of Leadership
Highlights
Young people do not respond well to the old- fashioned command- and- control style of leadership, evidenced by polls showing nearly 70 percent of the “millennial” generation (those born after 1980) who voluntarily terminate their employment do not quit their organization— they quit their boss. (Page 13)
Organizations are learning that developing good managers is no longer good enough and that they have to change their focus and work on developing great leaders (Page 13)
Everything you need to know about leadership you already know. It all boils down to one simple little rule you learned a long time ago. And that simple rule is to treat people the way you would want to be treated. The Golden Rule. (Page 15)
Management consists of the things you do like planning, budgeting, organizing, being tactical or strategic. (Page 16)
Management is what you do; leadership is the person you are and the influence and impact you have upon the people you come into contact with. Management is not synonymous with leadership. Leadership is synonymous with influence. (Page 17)
“Leadership is an influence process.” (Page 17)
Everyone is a leader because everyone influences other people every day, for good or not so good, which is why you don’t have to be the boss to be a leader. (Page 18)
Great organizations are a group of all leaders, where everyone is taking personal responsibility for the success of the team and their individual influence on the customer and one another. (Page 18)
the final test of leadership is: Do you leave things better than you found them? Will your employees get promoted, have a better career, even have a better life because they spent a few seasons with you? Have they learned and grown as a result of your influence? Will your children be ready when they leave your home? Will they be effective parents, neighbors, coaches, spouses, and teachers— (Page 18)
BEING THE servant is simply the business of identifying and meeting the legitimate needs of the people entrusted to your care. Meeting their needs, not their wants— being their servant, not their slave. (Page 19)
people have higher- level needs as well. Like the need to be appreciated, respected, valued, communicated with, encouraged, listened to. They also need accountability, including healthy boundaries, rules of the house, consistency, and honesty about their performance. Feedback is a huge human need. (Page 20)
When you identify and meet the legitimate needs of others, you will build influence with them. It is the Law of the Harvest— you reap what you sow. (Page 21)
Collins found two qualities in all of the great leaders. First was humility, described as “other- focused” (that is, focused on their people and not on themselves). The second quality was a strong professional will to do the right thing for their people and for their organization. (Page 21)
Early in the book, Mr. Collins said his team debated calling these humble, strong- willed yet selfless leaders “servant leaders” but decided against it, fearing people would get the wrong idea if he used a term like servant. He said the team settled on the term Level 5 leader instead. (Page 22)
If I had to describe the great servant leaders I have known over the decades, I think a more accurate description of them would be pit bulls. The great ones hug hard and spank hard. When it’s time to appreciate, honor, and value people, they are first in line. When it’s time for their teams to perform, they demand excellence and have little tolerance for mediocrity. (Page 22)
The essence of being a servant is finding that sweet spot between the hugging and spanking. Most managers fall off the horse one way or the other. (Page 23)
In the climax of The Servant, the monk and teacher Simeon reveals to the students that leadership, character, and love are synonymous. (Page 23)
The part most fail to grasp is that leadership is a skill, a learned or acquired ability. It is not something you are born with. (Page 25)
Like any skill, leadership has to be practiced regularly in order to develop the skills and facilitate true change. (Page 26)
There is a world of difference between knowing about something and knowing it. You can learn about leadership reading books and attending seminars, but you will never know leadership doing those things. (Page 26)
Leadership has little to do with your style (personality) and everything to do with your substance (character). (Page 28)
“Ninety- nine percent of leadership failures are failures of character.” Warren Bennis of USC, one of America’s leadership gurus for decades, declares, “Leadership is character in action.” It took me many years to understand that leadership and character are one. (Page 28)
What is character? That person you are in the dark when nobody is looking. Character is doing the right thing, winning those battles in your heart and mind between what you want to do and what you should do. (Page 28)
Character is having the moral maturity to do the right thing even if it costs you something— especially if it costs you something, because I’m not sure it can be an act of character unless it costs you something. (Page 28)
It’s the right thing to have self- control, to be kind, to be humble, to give appreciation, to listen, to be respectful, to meet needs (to be selfless), to be forgiving, to be honest, to be committed. Character is doing the right thing. Leadership is doing the right thing. Leadership is simply character in action. (Page 28)
If you want to improve your leadership skills, you must improve your character skills. And that’s the rub. Developing new character habits and breaking the old habits takes time and a great deal of effort. It means we have to behave in new ways. It means we have to change. (Page 29)
All habits (good and bad) move predictably through four stages, and developing character/ leadership skills is no exception. 1. Unconscious/ unskilled: The person is unaware and therefore unskilled in the habit. 2. Conscious/ unskilled: The person is aware but not good at it. This is the “awkward” stage that must be pushed through. 3. Conscious/ skilled: The person is aware and starting to become skilled. 4. Unconscious/ skilled: It’s now drilled into your game. You don’t have to try to be a good leader, you are a good leader. (Page 30)
When working with individuals or organizations and assisting them in implementing the skills of servant leadership, I take them through a three- step process that I refer to as the Three Fs: Foundation, Feedback, and Friction. (Page 31)
Foundation “Set the standard” of what great leadership looks like. What is it you wish to change and become? What are the principles you are committed to? What is it that you truly believe? (Page 31)
Feedback “Identify the gaps” between where you are now and where you need to be as an effective leader. There are several ways to get clarity on your gaps (opportunity areas). The most obvious is to ask the people who are subjected to your leadership. There are some great 360- degree feedback tools available to help you clearly discover your gaps. (Page 32)
Friction “Eliminate the gaps” between where you are now and where you need to be. Once the gaps have been identified, we ask participants to write out in details a minimum of two specific and measurable goals around the gap. (Page 33)
Vince Lombardi, the late, great Green Bay Packers football coach, used to tell his teams, “Gentlemen, we are going to relentlessly chase perfection, knowing full well we will not catch it, because nothing is perfect. But we are going to relentlessly chase it, because in the process we will catch excellence.” (Page 34)
The goal of any aspiring leader (whether manager, parent, spouse, coach, or teacher) should not be perfection, rather continuous improvement— being able to say every few months, “I’m not where I want to be, but I am better than I used to be.” (Page 34)
Management is not something you do to other people. You manage your inventory, your checkbook, your resources. You can even manage yourself. But you do not manage other human beings. You manage things, you lead people.” (Page 61)
Leadership: The skill of influencing people to work enthusiastically toward goals identified as being for the common good. (Page 62)
“One of the key words here is that we have defined leadership as a skill— I have found this to be true. A skill is simply a learned or acquired ability. I contend that leadership, influencing others, is a skill set that can be learned and developed by anyone with the appropriate desire coupled with the appropriate actions. The second key word in our definition is influence. (Page 62)
Power: The ability to force or coerce someone to do your will, even if they would choose not to, because of your position or your might. (Page 63)
Authority: The skill of getting people to willingly do your will because of your personal influence. (Page 63)
And note that power is defined as an ability while authority is defined as a skill. It doesn’t necessarily take any brains or courage to exercise power. Two- year- olds are masters at barking orders at their parents and pets. There have been many evil and unwise rulers throughout history. Building authority with people, however, requires a special skill set.” (Page 64)
power erodes relationships. You can get a few seasons out of power, even accomplish some things, but over time power can be very damaging to relationships. (Page 65)
The phenomenon that frequently occurs with teenagers, we call it rebellion, is often a response to being ‘powered around’ their homes for too long. This same thing happens in business. Employee unrest is often ‘rebellion’ in disguise.” (Page 65)
when power must be exercised, the leader should reflect on why resorting to power was necessary. You see, we had to resort to our power because our authority had broken down! Or worse, perhaps we didn’t have any authority to begin with.” (Page 66)
“If the leader is not accomplishing the tasks at hand but is only concerned with the relationship, that may be good baby- sitting but certainly not effective leadership. The key then to leadership is accomplishing the tasks at hand while building relationships.” (Page 73)
many if not most of the people promoted into leadership positions these days are promoted because of their technical or task- related abilities. It’s a common pitfall that I’ve been warned against many times in my career. We promote our best fork lift driver to supervisor and now we’ve created two new problems. We’ve got a lousy supervisor and we’ve lost our best fork lift driver! So because of this flawed tendency, task or technically oriented people are probably in the majority of leadership positions.” (Page 74)
relationships important where you lead? It took me nearly a lifetime to learn the great truth that all of life is relational— with God, self, and others. And this is even and perhaps especially true in business because without people there is no business. Healthy families, healthy teams, healthy churches, healthy businesses, and even healthy lives are about healthy relationships. The truly great leaders are skilled at building healthy relationships.” (Page 74)
for decades surveys done in this country on what people want most from their organizations have consistently shown money down at number four or five on the list. Being treated with dignity and respect, being able to contribute to the success of the organization, feeling in on things, always rank higher than money. (Page 76)
I can assure you that money is what everyone points to when there are problems because it is tangible and we can grasp it. But a poor relationship is always at the root of things.” (Page 76)
Without trust, it is difficult if not impossible to maintain a good relationship. Trust is the glue that holds relationships together. (Page 77)
you do not change your direction, you will end up exactly where you are headed.—ANCIENT CHINESE PROVERB (Page 79)
Number one, by cutting me off you obviously have not been listening to me very well if you’ve already formulated your response in your head; two, you do not value me or my opinion because you refuse to take the time to hear me out; and finally, you must believe that what you’ve got to say is much more important than what I’ve got to say. (Page 81)
“Your feelings of respect must be aligned with your actions of respect, (Page 81)
Paradigms are simply psychological patterns, models, or maps we use to navigate our way through life. Our paradigms can be helpful and even life saving when used appropriately. They can, however, become dangerous if we assume our paradigms are never- changing and all- encompassing truths and allow them to filter out the new information and the changing times that are coming at us throughout life. Clinging to outdated paradigms can cause us to become stuck while the world passes us by.” (Page 84)
“It is therefore important that we continually challenge our paradigms about ourselves, the world around us, our organizations, and other people. Remember, the outside world enters our consciousness through the filters of our paradigms. And our paradigms are not always accurate.” (Page 85)
New ideas and ways of doing things will often be challenged, even labeled as heretical, works of the devil, communistic. Challenging the old ways takes a lot of effort but so does the alternative. The world is changing so quickly that we can become stuck— or worse— if we don’t challenge our beliefs and paradigms.” (Page 85)
“Continuous improvement is crucial for people as well as organizations because nothing stays the same in life. Nature shows us clearly that you are either alive and growing or you are dying, dead, or decaying.” (Page 86)
“Almost everyone buys into the idea of continuous improvement but by definition it is impossible to improve unless we change. It’s those brave souls on the cutting edge who are challenging and asking the questions that will lead the way for others.” (Page 86)
“George Bernard Shaw,” the principal chimed in again, “once said that the reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself; therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” (Page 86)
The people in many organizations today are looking up the food chain, so to speak, and worrying about keeping the boss happy. And while everyone is focusing on keeping the boss happy, who’s focusing on keeping the customer happy?” (Page 92)
“Please (Page 94)
“Let’s just imagine an organization where the focus was serving the customer on top. Imagine, as the upside- down pyramid depicts, an organization where the front- line employees are truly serving the customers and ensuring that their legitimate needs are being met. And just suppose the front- line supervisors began seeing their employees as their customers and set about the task of identifying and meeting their needs. And so on down the pyramid. That would require each manager to take on a new mind- set, a new paradigm, and recognize that the role of the leader is not to rule and lord it over the next layer down. Rather, the role of the leader is to serve. What an interesting paradox. What if we had it upside down all along? Perhaps we lead best by serving.” (Page 94)
“Unfortunately, too many managers spend their careers getting in the way instead of getting the obstacles out of the way. (Page 95)
A seagull manager is one who periodically flies into the area, makes a lot of noise, dumps on people, maybe eats their lunch, and flies away. I think we’ve all known a few managers like that in our time.” (Page 95)
leader is someone who identifies and meets the legitimate needs of their people, removes all the barriers, so they can serve the customer. Again, to lead you must serve.” (Page 96)
I said that leaders should identify and meet the needs of their people, serve them. I did not say that they should identify and meet the wants of their people, be slaves to them. Slaves do what others want, servants do what others need. There is a world of difference between meeting wants and meeting needs.” (Page 97)
“As a parent, for example, if I were to allow my children to do whatever they want, how many of you would want to spend time at my home? Not too many of you, I suspect, because the kids would be running the place, we’d have ‘anarchy,’ as you put it. By giving in to what they want, I am certainly not giving them what they need. (Page 97)
Children and adults need an environment with boundaries, a place where standards are set and people are held accountable. They may not want boundaries and accountability but they need boundaries and accountability. We don’t do anybody any favors by running undisciplined homes or departments. The leader should never settle for mediocrity or second best— people have a need to be pushed to be the best they can be. It may not be what they want, but the leader should always be more concerned with needs than with wants.” (Page 97)
“A want,” the teacher explained, “is simply a wish or desire without any regard for the physical or psychological consequences. A need, on the other hand, is a legitimate physical or psychological requirement for the well- being of a human being.” (Page 98)
“If the role of the leader is to identify and meet the legitimate needs of the people, then we should be constantly asking ourselves, What are the needs of the people I lead? I would challenge you to make a list of the needs your people have, in your home, in church, in school, wherever you lead. And if you get stuck on what the people need, then just ask yourself, What needs do I have? That should get you going again.” (Page 99)
Authority is always built on service and sacrifice. (Page 110)
the good news is that we build authority any time we serve and sacrifice for others. Remember, the role of leadership is to serve, that is, to identify and meet legitimate needs. In the process of meeting needs, we will often be called upon to make sacrifices for those we serve.” (Page 115)
You reap what you sow. You serve me, I’ll serve you. (Page 115)
we’ve said that leadership that is going to go the distance over the long haul must be built on influence or authority. Authority is always built on serving and sacrificing for those you lead, which comes from identifying and meeting legitimate needs. (Page 115)
when I use the word love, I am referring to a verb describing behavior and not a noun describing feelings.” (Page 117)
Love is as love does. (Page 117)
Ken Blanchard, the author of that great little classic The One Minute Manager. (Page 117)
“Intentions minus actions equals squat. All the good intentions in the world don’t mean a thing if they don’t line up with our actions,” the teacher explained. (Page 118)
The older I get, the less attention I pay to what people say and the more attention I pay to what people do. (Page 118)
“True leadership is difficult and it takes a lot of effort. I’m sure you would all agree that our intentions are not very meaningful if they do not line up with our actions. That is why ‘will’ is at the apex of the triangle. (Page 118)
INTENTIONS + ACTIONS = WILL Simeon continued, “Intentions plus actions equals the will. It is only when our actions are aligned with our intentions that we become congruent people and congruent leaders. Here then is the model for leading with authority.” (Page 119)
Leadership begins with the will, which is our unique ability as human beings to align our intentions with our actions and choose our behavior. With the proper will, we can chose to love, the verb, which is about identifying and meeting the legitimate needs, not wants, of those we lead. When we meet the needs of others we will, by definition, be called upon to serve and even sacrifice. When we serve and sacrifice for others, we build authority or influence, the ‘Law of the Harvest,’ as Theresa said. And when we build authority with people, then we have earned the right to be called leader.” (Page 119)
Who then is the greatest leader? The one who has served the most. (Page 120)
don’t necessarily have to like my players and associates but as the leader I must love them. Love is loyalty, love is teamwork, love respects the dignity of the individual. This is the strength of any organization.—VINCE LOMBARDI (Page 121)
If I remember correctly, one of those words was eros, which our English word erotic is derived from, and it means feelings based upon sexual attraction, desire, and craving. Another Greek word for love, storgé, is affection especially between and toward family members. Neither eros nor storgé appears in the New Testament writings. Another Greek word for love was philos, or brotherly, reciprocal love. The ‘You do good by me and I’ll do good by you’ kind of conditional love. (Page 126)
Finally, the Greeks used the noun agapé and the corresponding verb agapaó to describe a more unconditional love rooted in behavior toward others without regard to their due. It is the love of deliberate choice. (Page 126)
“I cannot always control how I feel about other people but I certainly am in control of how I behave toward other people. Feelings can come and go depending upon what you ate for dinner last night! My neighbor may be difficult and I may not like him very much, but I can still behave lovingly. I can be patient with him, honest and respectful, even though he chooses to behave poorly.” (Page 127)
“To paraphrase the passage into bullet points, love is: patience, kindness, humility, respectfulness, selflessness, forgiveness, honesty, commitment,” Simeon wrote each word on the flip chart. “Now where on this list do you see a feeling?” (Page 129)
the beautiful definition of agapé love, written nearly two thousand years ago, is also a beautiful definition for leadership today.” (Page 129)
Patience— showing self- control (Page 131)
Our job as leader is to point out any gaps between the standard that has been set and their performance, but it does not have to be an emotional event. The leader may choose to make it an emotional event, but it doesn’t have to be that way.” (Page 132)
“The word discipline comes from the same root as disciple, which means to teach or to train. The goal of any disciplinary action should be to correct or change the behavior, to train the person and not to punish the person. And discipline can be progressive— first warning, second warning, final warning, and finally ‘you don’t get to be on the team anymore.’ (Page 132)
Kindness— giving attention, appreciation, and encouragement (Page 133)
Paying attention to people was what was important. And I have come to believe that far and away the greatest opportunity we have to pay attention to people is by actively listening to them.” (Page 134)
“Active listening requires a disciplined effort to silence all that internal conversation while we’re attempting to listen to another human being. It requires a sacrifice, an extension of ourselves, to block out the noise and truly enter another person’s world— even for a few minutes. Active listening is attempting to see things as the speaker sees them and attempting to feel things as the speaker feels them. This identification with the speaker is referred to as empathy and requires a great deal of effort.” (Page 135)
“Paying attention to people is a legitimate human need and one we must not neglect as leaders. Remember, the role of the leader is to identify and meet legitimate needs. (Page 136)
“William James, probably one of the greatest philosophers this country has ever produced, once said that at the core of the human personality is the need to be appreciated. I think anyone who would say that he does not have a need to be appreciated would probably lie about other things too.” (Page 137)
‘Be kind to others. How far you go in life depends upon your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in your life, you will have been all of these.’” (Page 138)
there are two important things to remember about praising people. One, is that the praise must be sincere. Two, it must be specific. (Page 139)
Just walking into the department and saying ‘Everyone did a great job’ is insufficient and may even cause resentment because perhaps everyone didn’t do a great job. It is important to be sincere and specific by saying, ‘Joe, I appreciate the fact that you produced two hundred and fifty pieces last night. Great effort.’ You want to reinforce the specific behavior because what gets reinforced gets repeated.” (Page 139)
Humility— being authentic and without pretense or arrogance (Page 140)
what we want from our leaders is authenticity, the ability to be real with people— we don’t want them puffed up and stuck on themselves. Egos can really get in the way and become barriers with people. Know- it- alls and arrogant leaders are a real turn- off for most people. Such arrogance is also a dishonest pretense because nobody knows it all or has it all together. Humility to me is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking about yourself less.” (Page 140)
‘Humbleness is nothing more than a true knowing of yourself and your limitations. Those who see themselves as they truly are would surely be humble indeed.’ Humility is about being real and authentic with people and discarding the false masks. (Page 141)
Respectfulness— treating others as important people (Page 141)
definition of respect was ‘treating people like they’re important.’ I think we should add to the end of that definition, ‘because they are important.’ And if you don’t buy into that idea, then try out the idea that they should get ‘respect points’ just for being on your team, in your platoon, your department, your family, your whatever. The leader has a vested interest in the success of those being led. Indeed, one of our roles as leader is to assist them in becoming successful.” (Page 143)
I pick up several messages when someone is late. One message is that their time is more important than my time, a rather arrogant message to be sending to me. Being late also conveys the message that I must not be very important to them because they would almost certainly be on time for an important person. It also communicates to me that they are not very honest because honest people stick to their word and follow through with their commitments, even time commitments. Being late is extremely disrespectful behavior and is also habit forming.” (Page 144)
Selflessness— meeting the needs of others (Page 145)
Forgiveness— giving up resentment when wronged (Page 145)
Forgiveness is not about pretending bad things didn’t happen or not dealing with things as they arise. To the contrary, we must practice assertive behavior with others, not passive doormat behavior or aggressive behavior that violates the rights of others. Assertive behavior is being open, honest, and direct with others but is always done in a respectful manner. Forgiving behavior is dealing with situations as they arise in an assertive manner and then letting go of any lingering resentment. (Page 146)
As the leader, if you are not able to let go of the resentment, it will consume you and render you ineffective.” (Page 146)
Honesty is about clarifying expectations for people, holding people accountable, being willing to give the bad news as well as the good news, giving people feedback, being consistent, predictable, and fair. In short, our behavior must be free from deception and dedicated to the truth at all costs.” (Page 147)
leaders who do not hold their people accountable to a set standard are, in effect, thieves and liars. Thieves because they are stealing from the stockholder who pays them to hold people accountable, and liars because they pretend that everything is OK with their people when in fact everything is not OK.” (Page 148)
Commitment— sticking to your choices (Page 148)
everyone wants to be involved but nobody wants to be committed. There is a pretty big difference between the two. (Page 149)
“True commitment is a vision about individual and group growth along with continuous improvement. The committed leader is dedicated to growing, stretching, and continuously improving— committed to becoming the best leader they can be and that the people they lead deserve. (Page 149)
When we choose to love, to extend ourselves for others, we will be required to be patient, kind, humble, respectful, selfless, forgiving, honest, and committed. These behaviors will require us to serve and sacrifice for others. We may have to sacrifice our egos or even our bad moods on a particular day. We may have to sacrifice our desire to blast someone rather than be assertive with them. We will have to sacrifice by loving and extending ourselves for people we may not even like.” (Page 150)
