Build safety

Successful groups feel like family, not like friends, team or tribe.

Patterns of interaction with chemistry:

  • Close physical proximity
  • Eye contac
  • Physical touch
  • Short energetic exchanges (no long speech)
  • Everybody talks to everyone
  • Few interruption
  • Lots of questions
  • Intensive active listening
  • Humor
  • Attentive courtesies

Belonging cues: behaviours that create safe connection in groups. Three qualites:

  • Energy, invest in the exchange that is occurring
  • Individualization, each person treated as unique and valued
  • Future orientation, the relationship will continue

These cues mean you are safe here.

Group performance depends on behaviour that communicates we are safe and connected.l

Google story with ads and Jeff Dean, acting as kindergarten solving tough problems.

Amygdala responds to danger but also works building social connections. Tracks members of the group, and searchs for meaningful engagement that tries to make sure you are tightly connected to you people.

Wipro onboarding:

  • Included company’s successes
  • Met a star performer
  • Answer questions about Wipro But the second group were asked questions about their best times in work and other questions about themselves.
  • A t-shirt with their name

Missileers lack of connection. No connection, no future, no safety.

Gregg Popovich. Spurs. Unselfish behaviours. Move close enough to players to almost nose touching. He tells you the truth and loves youto death. Watches documentaries about things that matter more than basketball and pose lots of questions to the team as if they were in s seminar. Hug’em and hold’em. Food and wine connection.

Successful cultures are not happy, light-hearted places. They are energized and engaged. Their members do not look for happiness but to solve hard problems together. High candor feedback moments, uncomfortable truth telling, confronting where the group is and where it ought to be.

Magical feedback consists of cues that state here is a safe place to give effort:

  • You are part of this group
  • This group is special, we have high standards here
  • I believe you can reach those standards.

Ex: I am giving you these comments because I have high expectations and I know you can reach them.

Popovich belonging cues:

  • Personal up-close connection that translates I care about you. Individual connection
  • Performance feedback, relentless criticism that translates we have high standards here. Middle distance
  • Big picture perspective. Conversations about politics, food that translates life is bigger than basketball Larger context where interaction is taking place.

You are part of this group. This group is special. I believe you can reach those standards.